Mind of a Stalker: Why Torment Someone?
Stalkers are lonely and lack self-esteem, yet they feel very, very important.
By Jeanie Lerche Davis
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Michael W. Smith, MD


WebMD Feature Archive

It seems to be the price of celebrity: The stalker. Catherine Zeta-Jones has received threatening letters from a stalker who is infatuated with her husband. David Letterman has lived with it for years. What motivates these stalkers, and how dangerous are they?

While celebrity stalking makes the news, far more frequently it's those living normal lives -- women and men both -- who are stalked by someone they know, typically a former partner or someone they're involved with.

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, 370,000 men are stalked annually -- one in 45 men. More than 1 million women are stalked every year; about one in every 12 women will be stalked in her lifetime.

Origins of Stalking
There's a line between the overzealous pursuer and the stalker. "Stalking is much more about inducing fear," says Brook Zitek, DO, a forensic psychiatrist at Temple University School of Medicine in Philadelphia. "It's repeated boxes of candy, clothing, showing up at your house, putting things through your mail slot, notes on your car -- even though you've asked them to stop," she tells WebMD.


The overwhelming majority of stalkers are men -- four to one, Zitek says. Psychiatrists have developed several stalker profiles:

• The rejected stalker. This person was rejected in a relationship, and they perceive it as an insult, they feel wounded, and they are seeking vindication.
• The resentful stalker. These are self-righteous, self-pitying people who may threaten, but they are the least likely to act on it.
• The intimacy-seeking stalker. They believe they are loved or will be loved by the victim. Often they focus on someone of higher social status. This person is mentally ill and delusional.
• The incompetent. This person is socially backward. He doesn't really understand the social rules involved in dating and romance. He doesn't mean any harm.
• The predator. This is about sex gratification, control, and violence. The stalker doesn't necessarily know the victim. The victim may not know she is being stalked. But a predator plans their attack, rehearses it, has lots of sexual fantasies about it.

​not one applies!


The rejected and predatory stalkers are most likely to assault their victims, says Zitek.
"The stalker is usually an isolated and shy person, one who lives alone, lacks any type of important intimate relationship -- not just sexual, but friends or family, too," Moore tells WebMD. "There's also a narcissistic personality disorder and very low self-esteem. The stalker feels that they're the most important person in the world."

Many people stalk someone they have only met briefly -- someone they don't really know, or barely know. The stalker may also focus on a celebrity, especially if they've seen him or her in person -- at a public appearance like a concert. "They develop convoluted thoughts about this person. They feel this person is the answer to their dreams," says Moore.

Stalkers write countless letters or emails to their victims, begging for attention. They make repeated phone calls, send gifts, flowers, candies, cards. They secretly follow the victim, either by car or in an insidious way -- by getting access to the victim's email.

"We've seen this in many relationships. The stalker figures out your password and reads all your email," Moore tells WebMD. "Many people use the same password for many things -- the ATM, various email accounts, and web sites. Stalkers are often smart enough figure that out and use it to get into email. They even get into the victim's bank account, find out which ATM they use, find out up to the minute where they went to eat, when they shopped."

The Person Least Likely ...

You would never guess all this while dating the person, says John Moore, a licensed professional counselor in Chicago and author of Confusing Love With Obsession.

"They wear a mask of charm," he tells WebMD. "They're the kindest, nicest people. You wouldn't know what's really going on. You only become aware when clues of their behavior show up -- when your email provider locks you out because you've logged your password incorrectly too many times, for example."


In many scenarios, the stalking begins as a relationship is ending -- a divorce or breakup, says Moore. One partner becomes obsessed, convinced that this is their ideal partner. The stalker may believe that the victim is in love with him or her.

When to Be Concerned

The red flags:

• You immediately start getting several phone calls or emails right after meeting this person.
• The person is clingy, controlling, or upset if you want to spend time with friends and family.
  
  

"Don't make any sudden moves," says Moore. "Don't tell them 'I don't want anything do with you.' By rejecting that person, there is a chance of violence. If you reject that person, often times they feel angry, threatened. There is the possibility of violence."


Take action:

• Tell everyone you know that this is going on -- your employer, friends, family.
• Gently but firmly tell the person you've decided to move on. Don't get drawn into discussions of why. Just say, "This situation isn't right for me" or "I'm not ready yet" -- whatever you need to say, but say it gently.

If this doesn't work, you may need to take legal action, Moore says. File a police report, file a restraining order, change your email and ATM passwords. "Their fantasy is that you love them. You really need to be on the offensive. There's no harm in changing passwords."

Caution: "Never, ever underestimate a threat. Don't take it lightly, even if it's in an email. Take it to the authorities. Ignore it at your own peril. It will only get worse," he says.

Threat. Never ever a threat-ever!

He describes the "obsessive love wheel" -- the various stages of a relationship obsession:

• The attraction phase
• The anxious phase, when the controlling behaviors show themselves
• The obsessive phase, where stalking takes place
• The destructive phase

"Unless a stalker wants to change, you can't stop them," Moore tells WebMD. "They will only change when their world around them starts crashing around them."

Equally disturbing: Law enforcement officials often don't act on reports of stalking, Zitek adds. "They're more understanding now than they used to be. But if you call the police and say, 'My ex-boyfriend is stalking me,' they may not actually do anything about it. They'll say, 'Call us if he comes on your property.'"


Here's something else to consider: Are you a stalker? If you see this obsessive pattern in yourself, see a therapist or join a support group like Co-Dependents Anonymous, he says. "A lot of times, stalkers have addiction issues. They may be drinking or doing drugs. It's important for them to reach out. But they also have to reach in -- admit something is going on, get to a therapist or support group so they don't feel all alone."

Be Alert To Common Traits of Stalkers

Don’t Be The Next Target

If you read nothing else on this site, please take the time to read this section. It is extremely important to be aware of the following traits of stalkers. These will alert you to the possibility that a potential suitor or even a friend or acquaintance could become a stalker.

Stalkers will not take no for an answer.
They refuse to believe that a victim is not interested in them or will not rekindle their relationship and often believe that the victim really does love them, but just doesn't know it and needs to be pushed into realizing it. As long as they continue pursuing their victim, the stalker can convince themselves they haven't been completely rejected yet.

No? Please? Had Mr. Henche and Brooke NOT been kind, then I wouldn't have reacted with the familiarity as I had. If there was an issue, then at a few public events where there was paid for security, they wouldn't have thought twice about INVITING ME + them asking me to leave.

Stalkers display an obsessive personality.
They are not just interested in, but totally obsessed with the person they are pursuing. Their every waking thought centers on the victim, and every plan the stalker has for the future involves the victim. Ask yourself this. Is the person totally involved in and completely overwhelmed with pursuing someone who has no and never will have any interest in him or her?
Along with obsessive thinking, they also display other psychological or personality problems and disorders. They may suffer from erotomania, paranoia, schizophrenia, and delusional thinking. According to Professor R. Meloy, "these stalkers have rigid personalities and maladaptive styles. These disorders in themselves are very stable and not treatable." There are drugs to treat certain specific mental disorders, but stalkers, when given the choice, seldom continue with their medication or treatment.

'maybe at age 12-15 when I hid my abuse as a kid. I grew out of Brooke as I did my boys size 12 Levi slims.

Stalkers are above average in intelligence and are usually smarter than the run of the mill person with mental problems.
They will go to great lengths to obtain information about their victims or to find victims who have secretly moved. They have been known to hack into computers, tap telephone lines, take jobs at public utilities that allow them access to the victims or information about the victims, and even to travel thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars to gain information about or find their victims. Stalkers many times use their intelligence to throw others off their trail.

Ive lived in the same cities as the Shields' and have only run into them 4x... AND ONLY AFTER THEY MOVE WITHIN 2 BLOCKS OF MY HOME.

Most stalkers don't have any relationship outside the one they are trying to re-establish or the one they have imagined exists between them and their victim.

1. Robert C.
2. Mikey T.
3. Steve R.
4. Doug J.
5. Christopher L.
6. Jerry K.
7. Colton W.
8. Christopher C.
9. Craig S.
10. Carl B.
11. Frank K.

Those listed above are those most close. I am no loner- far from it.

Because they are usually loners, stalkers become desperate to obtain this relationship.
Stalkers don't display the discomfort or anxiety that people should naturally feel in certain situations.
Normal individuals would be extremely embarrassed to be caught following other people, going through their trash looking for information about them, leaving obscene notes, and other inappropriate behavior displayed by stalkers. Stalkers, however, don't see this as inappropriate behavior, but only as a means to gain the person's love.
Stalkers often suffer from low self-esteem, and feel they must have a relationship with the victim in order to have any self worth.
Preoccupations with other people almost always involve someone with weak social skills and low self-esteem.
Few stalkers can see how their actions are hurting others.
They display other sociopathic thinking in that they cannot learn from experience, and they don't believe society's rules apply to them. Most stalkers don't think they're really threatening, intimidating, or even stalking someone else. To the victims of stalking it is like a prolonged rape.

Stalkers, like rapists, want absolute control over their victims. They don't regard what they're doing as a crime, or even wrong. To them it is true love, with the exception that the victim doesn't recognize it yet. With enough persistence, stalkers believe they will eventually convince the victims of their love.

Stalkers many times have a mean streak and will become violent when frustrated. How violent? Often deadly.
***one would need to care to become mean. I care about child protection. Google me.

The above traits remind us that much of stalking involves harassment and annoyance, but never forget that stalkers can also be extraordinarily dangerous. Believing that their victims love and care for them, ****I couldn't believe I would even register.. it's why I've always re-introduced and narrated not only who I was but why- Child ADVOCACY... stalkers can become violent when frustrated in their quest for this love.
Although the majority of cases do not end in murder or grave bodily injury, enough do every year that victims should never brush aside the possibility. Victims of stalking should never take the crime lightly, no matter who the stalkers are or how close they have been emotionally.

Look carefully again at the traits below and be wary if someone seems to fit these:
1. Won't take no for an answer
2. Has an obsessive personality
3. Above average intelligence
4. No or few personal relationships
5. Lack of embarrassment or discomfort at actions
6. Lack of self esteem
7. Sociopathic thinking
8. Has a mean streak

****
1. NO for an answer- bull-shit. Who doesn't take no for an answer?
2. Obsession:
ob·ses·sion
əbˈseSHən/
noun

1. the state of being obsessed with someone or something.
   "she cared for him with a devotion bordering on obsession"
   • an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.
     plural noun: obsessions
     "he was in the grip of an obsession he was powerless to resist"
     synonyms:fixation, ruling/consuming passion, passion, mania, idée fixe, compulsion, preoccupation, infatuation, addiction, fetish, craze, hobbyhorse; More
     
     

NOPE

3. Above Average/ honors intelligence.
4. Relationships. Too many to count.
5. Lack of embarrassment? I'd have hung myself, but I will always defend myself because I have integrity.
6. Self-Esteem?? I have incredible arrogance. Who else takes on the 'corrupt’ judicial system?
7. Sociopath- NY LEGAL AID claims Ms. Shields a sociopath. I blame an arrogant, criminal ADA who suborned perjury.

so·ci·o·path
ˈsōsēōˌpaTH/
noun

1. a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

Lack of conscience?

con·scienceˈkän(t)SHəns/
noun

1. an inner feeling or voice viewed as acting as a guide to the rightness or wrongness of one's behavior.
   "he had a guilty conscience about his desires"
   synonyms:sense of right and wrong, moral sense, inner voice; More

EVERYTHING I've done has been to #STOPGunSchoolViolence

8. Mean streak- I'm scicilian.

Actually, I don’t h8 my rapist, I don’t h8 pedophile priest, I don’t h8 Brooke.. I do h8 djtRump..


14 Nice things girls say are creepy/Stalking

Chivalry may not be dead, but sometimes it takes on the form of a stalker, or at the very least a creeper.

Guys: we know you’re trying to be nice, but these gestures actually just send us running for the hills.

1. WALKING YOU TO YOUR CAR/HOME
It’s nice that the guy doesn’t want you to be attacked by a robber—or worse—but you spend the whole walk wondering if he is a robber—or worse. And then all you can think is; “Now he knows where I live” or “Maybe he just wrote down my license plate number.” Men: if it’s the first time you’re meeting a woman, don’t walk her to her car or home, just the two of you. Put her in a cab if you really care.

2. CARRYING YOUR BAGS
You’re no fragile old lady. When a guy eagerly swoops up, out of nowhere, saying, “Let me take those for you” as he practically already is, you’re just worried he’s about to run off with them.
3. LOCKING THE PASSENGER SIDE DOORIs he trying to make sure nobody on the outside gets in, or that nobody on the inside gets out?? It’s especially creepy when a guy does this when the car is already well in motion, as if something is about to happen that would make you consider jumping out of a moving car!
4.OFFERING YOU A RIDE HOMEWomen are no stranger to Stranger Danger! The guy might know he’s a standup citizen, trying to protect you from all the creepers in the neighborhood, but he has to realize that if he just rolled up, you have no way of knowing he’s not trying to kidnap you.
5. LEAVING A NOTE ON YOUR DOORSTEP OR CAR “I see you walking in this neighborhood every morning” or “I noticed you going to work down the street and I think you’re cute…” The guy thinks it’s romantic: all you can think is somebody who you never even noticed before has been watching you! And now knows where you live or work or park.
6. CALLING TO SAY GOODNIGHT THE NIGHT HE GOT YOUR NUMBER
You meet a guy at a bar, or on the beach, or in the grocery store, and give him your number. He calls you that night to say goodnight. Not to ask you on a date, but just to say goodnight. That’s not cute—that’s forced intimacy. He’s not your boyfriend!

1. TURNING OVER HIS PHONE DURING DINNER
2. Maybe the guy is trying to show you you have his full attention. But this is the age of technology—we all understand that people sometimes get urgent work calls at indecent hours. Going so far as to turn the phone over or off just makes a woman think her date has some other woman who might be texting.

Paying
Ordering for you
Offering up Your Seat
Offering to Drive Your Car
Bringing You Lunch
Bringing You Flowers

Woman Stalked By A Gay Man on Hauser Blvd
Posted on May 13, 2015

Yes, I can’t believe this! This guy is gay! He gave off the vibe of someone who has been watching my numerous youtube videos for quite some time, waiting for the right time to “talk” and that is why he insisted, I mean, fucking IMPOSED HIMSELF today on me as I was talking to my […]
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Do gay guys compete or stalk pretty girls?

My gay friend is always commenting on how pretty I am. He has started copying off of my fashion sense and started to like the same things I like etc.

This other gay guy has been staring at me all the time and watching me. He has copied off of me too, in my style!!

Do gay men watch attractive women and stalk them, NO. Stalking is a delusion relation type thinking.

SIR ROY. .K.G · 5 years ago

Mick · 5 years ago

• You come off as self-centered.


• No, we do not all do that. We do not all do any particular thing. We are not psychological duplicates of each other who perform mirror actions and gather on weekends to coordinate behaviors. The fact that you phrased your question with no distinction between them and gays as a whole offends me. Not only are we not all into fashion, we are not all even remotely effeminate either. Your blatant, though common, misconception reflects very poorly on your relationship with your "friend."

• Best OfFilm January 16, 2013 -
  
  JOHN HINCKLEY, JR. FURIOUS TO DISCOVER JODIE FOSTER IS GAY 32 YEARS TOO LATE
  
  John Hinckley, Jr., the man who shot President Regan in 1981 in a misguided attempt to impress Jodie Foster, is now furious with the Oscar-winning actress for waiting until Sunday night’s Golden Globe awards to finally reveal she’s gay.
  “This information would have been useful a few decades earlier,” an angry Hinckley, Jr. told Hollywood & Swine, adding that he quickly disposed of all his Jodie Foster memorabilia after hearing the actress’ speech. “If I had known I never had a chance with Jodie because I’m a man, I wouldn’t have tried to assassinate the President to get her to like me.”

• Shortly after finding out Jodie Foster was gay, John Hinckley, Jr. promptly disposed of his collection of the actress’ memorabilia.
  
  Hinckley, Jr., who watched the Golden Globes from his room at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Washington D.C. where he’s spent the last thirty-one years, was shocked after seeing Foster, his former stalking victim, finally admit she prefers women during her Cecil B. DeMille Award acceptance speech.
  Hospital staff were forced to sedate Hinckley Jr. after he became furious during Foster’s speech, because she not only revealed she was a lesbian, but also because the speech rambled on, endlessly holding up the rest of the show.
  Later in the Golden Globes broadcast, Hinckley, Jr. and his fellow patients caused a near riot in the mental hospital when “Silver Linings Playbook” lost out to “Les Miserables” for Best Musical or Comedy. According to Hinckley, Jr., “Silver Linings Playbook” was his favorite film of the year, since it told the inspiring story of a man sentenced to a mental hospital for violence, who finally gets out and continues obsessing over a woman. Hinckley, Jr. claims he hasn’t felt as connected to a movie since “Taxi Driver,” which also starred Robert DeNiro.
  Hinckley, Jr. also revealed to Hollywood & Swine that he’s getting a sex change operation, hoping there’s still a chance for him and Foster to have a future. When released from St. Elizabeth’s, Hinckley plans to immediately begin stalking Lana Wachowski, the writer-director formerly known as Larry and the co-creator of the “Matrix” trilogy, in order to get advice on making the transition from a man to a woman.
  
  - See more at: http://hollywoodandswine.com/john-hinckley-jr-furious-to-discover-jodie-foster-is-gay-32-years-too-late/#sthash.sAhu4Fhs.dpuf


• 
  NATHALIE O'NEILL
  January 2, 2014LIFESTYLE
  
  Lovable female characters on countless TV shows and rom-coms wouldn't be what they are without their trusted gay best friends. But while we thought this was just a way of inserting a token gay character, gay men and straight women are actually natural best friends, according to a recent article in Evolutionary Psychology.
  
  Apparently, it's all about evolutionary biology: gay men and straight women are better off as friends since they can give each other "trustworthy mating advice," write the authors, psychologist Eric Russell and his colleagues from Texas Christian University. The authors explain:
  Straight women may experience increased trust in their relationships with gay men due to the absence of deceptive mating motivations that frequently taint their relationships with straight men (sexual interest) and other straight women (mate competition).
  Ah, finally, someone we can be friends with who doesn't try to sleep with us or steal away our men (and we thought that's what all friends are for). So if gay men help us catch and keep mates, what do we provide them? Apparently, our femaleness ensures we don't get all catty with them:
  Despite being sexually attracted to the same gender (i.e., men), gay men and straight women are neither potential romantic partners nor mating competition for each other. They are thus uniquely positioned to provide one another with mating-relevant advice and support that is not tainted with ulterior motives borne from intrasexual rivalry or competition.
  Russell got all sneaky with his experiment for this article. Female participants were faced with this make-believe scenario: you're invited to a party but your friend ditches you last minute. They tell you to go with another friend of theirs instead and you Facebook-stalk this stand-in to, you know, make sure they're not too creepy.
  Russell made fake Facebook pages for three possible "friends": a straight male, a homosexual male, and a straight female (all named Jordan). Participants were then asked which Jordan they would most trust to tell them they had food stuck in their teeth or whether or not they should go home with that cute guy from the party. Surprise, surprise, everyone trusted gay male Jordan more than straight female Jordan and straight male Jordan, who were deemed equally untrustworthy. And if you flip the scenario around, the same goes for gay men – they trust straight females above everyone else.
  While some gay men and straight women might prefer to stick together to find men, it's hard to say whether there really is such a formula for an ideal friendship.
  So what does this all mean (apart from telling us we shouldn't ditch our friend and make them go to a party with that sneaky man-stealing Jordan)? While some gay men and straight women might prefer to stick together to find men, it's hard to say whether there really is such a formula for an ideal friendship. Your gay friend might not be giving you the best advice, a girlfriend might understand more of the intricacies of the heterosexual dating game, and a trustworthy straight guy might be the ideal person to hook you up with his own buddies. Bottom line, just make sure you're friends with someone you trust not to sleep with that guy you've had a crush on for, like, forever. Besides, shouldn't we be choosing our friends based on more than a desire to optimize our date life?


• Bulletins for Teens: Stalking
• • What is it?
  • If You Are a Victim of Stalking
  • Knowing your schedule.
  
  
  • • Showing up at places you go.
    • Sending mail, e-mail, and pictures.
    • Calling or texting repeatedly.
    • Contacting you or posting about you on social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, etc).
    • Writing letters.
    • Damaging your property.
    • Creating a Web site about you.
    • Sending gifts.
    • Stealing things that belong to you.
    • Any other actions to contact, harass, track, or frighten you.
• 
  What Is It?
  Stalking is a pattern of behavior that makes you feel afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger. It is when someone repeatedly contacts you, follows you, sends you things, talks to you when you don’t want them to, or threatens you. Stalking behaviors can include:
• You can be stalked by someone you know casually, a stranger, or a past or current friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. Getting notes and gifts at your home, in your locker, or other places might seem sweet and harmless to other people, but if you don’t want the gifts, phone calls, messages, letters, or e-mails, it doesn’t feel sweet or harmless. It can be scary and frustrating.
  Sometimes people stalk their boyfriends or girlfriends while they’re dating. They check up on them, text or call them all the time and expect instant responses, follow them, and generally keep track of them even when they haven’t made plans to be together. These stalking behaviors can be part of an abusive relationship. If this is happening to you or someone you know, there are people you can talk to about it.
  Stalking is a crime and can be dangerous. The legal definition of stalking and possible punishment for it is different in every state. Contact a victim advocate or your local police to learn about stalking laws and your rights in your state.
  
  If You Are Being Stalked, You Might:
  • Feel helpless, anxious, fearful, angry or depressed.
  • Feel like you can never get away from the person who is stalking you.
  • Think the person is always watching you.
  • Feel frustrated that the person won’t leave you alone.
  • Have difficulty sleeping or concentrating.
  • Have nightmares.
  • Lose or gain weight.
  • Not know what might happen next.
• Get Help
  If you are stalked, it is not your fault. People who use controlling, harassing, or threatening actions are responsible for their own behavior. If you believe that someone may be stalking you, you can:
  • Contact the police.
  • Tell a parent, friend, school principal, or another adult you can trust.


• Salma Hayek granted restraining orders against two women stalking her family
  Published September 05, 2015Fox News Latin
• 
  
  • Salma Hayek at Bing Theatre At LACMA on July 29, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (GETTY)

• LOS ANGELES (AP) – A judge on Friday ordered two women to stay away from Salma Hayek and not attempt to contact the Oscar-nominated actress for the next three years.
  Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Carol Boas Goodson granted Hayek's request for a restraining order against Liana Philippon and Odette Bodagh, who the actress stated in court filings impersonated her and made a veiled threat to kidnap her daughter.
  The order also covers Hayek's husband and 7-year-old daughter.
  Bodagh said during Friday's hearing that she thought she had a relationship with Hayek but didn't realize she was scaring the actress until the temporary restraining order was granted. Philippon did not attend the hearing.
  "I thought there was a relationship," Bodagh said. "I was under the impression I was talking to Salma."
  Bodagh tearfully apologized for scaring Hayek.
  "I am so sorry I did it," Bodagh said. She urged the judge to reject entering the order against her, saying it would affect her career.
  "You have, even by mistake, become a stalker," Goodson said.
  "This case arised out of a bizarre pattern of behavior by two apparently mentally disturbed individuals," Hayek's court filings stated. "Their actions include, among others, concocting ruses to meet Hayek's family members to obtain Hayek's contact information, impersonating Hayek to another celebrity, attempting to directly contact Hayek herself, and impersonating Hayek in contacting Hayek's minor child.
  "In one communication while posing as Hayek, Philippon made a veiled threat regarding kidnapping and ransoming Hayek's minor child," the filing stated.
  After the hearing, Bodagh said her marriage ended because of her infatuation with Hayek and she moved to Los Angeles with Philippon, now her ex-girlfriend, because she believed she was communicating with the actress.
  Bodagh said she would not attempt to contact Hayek again.
  Hayek, who did not attend the hearing, was nominated for an Academy Award for her starring role in the 2002 film "Frida."
  Her attorney, Bryan Sullivan, declined to comment after the hearing.
  
  Stalking is a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.
  Stalking can include:
  NO- Repeated, unwanted- I was told thank you. , intrusive, and frightening communications from the perpetrator by phone, mail, and/or email.
  NO- Repeatedly leaving or sending victim unwanted items, presents, or flowers.
  NO- Following or laying in wait for the victim at places such as home, school, work, or recreation place.
  NO- Making direct or indirect threats to harm the victim, the victim's children, relatives, friends, or pets.
  NO- Damaging or threatening to damage the victim's property.
  ONLY AFTER ATTACK- Harassing victim through the internet.
  NO- Posting information or spreading rumors about the victim on the internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth.
  NO- Obtaining personal information about the victim by accessing public records, using internet search services, hiring private investigators, going through the victim's garbage, following the victim, contacting victim's friends, family work, or neighbors, etc.
• • Follow you and show up wherever you are.
  • Send unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or e-mails.
  • Damage your home, car, or other property.
  • Monitor your phone calls or computer use.
  • Use technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems (GPS), to track where you go.
  • Drive by or hang out at your home, school, or work.
  • Threaten to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets.
  • Find out about you by using public records or online search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers.
  • Posting information or spreading rumors about you on the Internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth.
  • Other actions that control, track, or frighten you.


• Some things stalkers do:


• Rejected, obsessed and erotomanic: Inside the mind of a stalker
  A man has been jailed for the third time after stalking a former classmate to the point where she had a miscarriage. Here Laura Richards, CEO of stalking support group Paladin, explains what motivates the most common types of stalker

By Laura Richards, CEO of Paladin, National Stalking Advocacy Service

2:49PM BST 01 May 2015​

This week saw the fifth prosecution of Elliot Fogel, a man who has been stalking his former classmate Claire Waxman for 12 years. He’s been jailed three times in the past, and has been given a three-and-a-half year prison sentence for yet another breach of his restraining order.

So why won’t Fogel stop?

• Why is the restraining order not working?
  
  Paladin, the National Stalking Advocacy Service, produced a report recently that found this pattern is typical amongst stalkers - almost half of those convicted of stalking will breach their orders.
  
  Our cases range from victims being stalked from anything from six months to a staggering 22 years. Research shows that victims typically endure 100 incidents before they even call the police.
• John Rinaldi corrupt charged.
• NOT EVEN ONCE
• Perjured in court to achieve desired outcome

• Stalking is about fixation and obsession.
  
  Waxman’s case brings into sharp relief the need to understand the long term nature of stalking, the necessity of an early and proactive intervention, and the availability of relevant treatment for stalkers.

• Claire Waxman has been through an 'unimaginable' ordeal (Associated Newspapers)
  It’s clear that when people fixate and stalk they are psychologically unstable, a significant minority are psychotic and some may suffer from undiagnosed personality disorders. A significant minority of stalkers have a serious mental illness underlying their behaviour.
  The longer a stalking episode persists and the more intrusive it is, the greater the likelihood that a mental disorder is contributing to the behaviour.
  The problem is that, currently, stalkers do not routinely get assessed once they come into contact with the criminal justice system. If they don’t have access to mental health services and specialists trained in stalking, they will just continue their behaviour - which is detrimental, costly and dangerous to those that they stalk, as well as to themselves.
  But it isn't the case that every stalker has serious mental health issues.
  Stalkers are not a homogenous group and we see a wide variation in our cases. They have varying reasons and motivations for what they are doing, which can change over time.
  Currently there is no gold standard for the different types of stalkers, but there are several patterns and categories that they can fit into.
  I’ve listed the five most common ones below – though of course, there can be stalking that fits outside of these patterns.
  
  The ‘Rejected’ stalkers
  Eighty per cent of victims know their stalker and the most common is the ‘ex-intimate - rejected’ stalker.
  These perpetrators have been in a previous relationship – usually controlling and abusive in nature – with the victim. On separation they either want to reconcile, exact revenge - or a fluctuating mixture of both.

• Jonathan Vass and Jane Clough (PA)
  Take Jonathan Vass. He stalked and murdered Jane Clough in 2010. Initially his behaviour was motivated by the desire to reconcile with Jane, but when she did not reciprocate and do what he wanted, he was driven by revenge.
  Threats such as ‘if I can’t have you no-one will’ may be made prior to assaultive behaviours. The 'rejected' stalking cases are more likely to escalate to violence and research shows that one in two who make a threat, will act on it.
  
  The ‘Love Obsessional’ stalkers
  These stalkers are also relatively common and tend to be a casual acquaintance or isolated ‘loner’. They desire a relationship with the victim and persist in their quest despite, or oblivious to, the victim’s reactions.
  Fogel is an example of this. He met Waxman at college and, after she told him to leave her alone, she heard nothing more. Ten years later she started receiving e-mails and cards from him. Fogel was then seen outside her home and police found her wedding photograph as a screensaver on his computer.
  During his 2012 trial, it was revealed that Fogel had researched her 40,000 times on Google in one year and had broken into her car. He made hundreds of late night phone calls to her and posed as a prospective parent at the nursery her children attended. A restraining order was put in place in 2006, which he breached the following year.
  He was jailed for 16 weeks in January 2010 for a further breach, but he went on to breach it again. Waxman has stated that she suffered a miscarriage, developed an eating disorder and has had to move five times as a result of Fogel’s stalking campaign.
  
  The ‘Grudge’ stalkers
  These stalkers are also relatively common and can overlap with the ‘rejected’.
  They tend to have a non-intimate relationship with the victim, for example a co-worker, neighbour, or employer. They believe they have been a victim of an injustice and are motivated by retribution.
  
  The 'Erotomanics'
  This type of stalker is relatively rare, often mentally ill and believes the victim is in love with them.
  A challenge of managing these cases is the lack of motivation for treatment. They do not see themselves as ill but blessed by a romantic personality, although they convince themselves it is blighted by the slow response of their target or interference by others.

• Madonna was a victim of stalking (Getty)
  David Letterman was stalked by Margaret Mary Ray in the late 1980s. Ray believed that she was his wife and her son was Letterman's child. In 2011, a stalker broke into Madonna’s home because he believed they were in a relationship.
  
  The 'Predatory' stalkers
  They stalk preparatory to a sexual assault, with women and children often the target. Information gathering often occurs, too.
  Take Clive Howard. He was jailed for life last week after admitting seven counts of rape, three of kidnap and one attempted rape between 1986 and 2014 in Norfolk and Cambridge.
  Another 15 women have since come forward and there are no doubt many more who have not. Howard often stalked lone women at night but was eventually caught when his final victim described his car, allowing police to identify him through CCTV as he trawled the streets of Norwich.
  He is a predatory stalker and serial rapist. Levi Bellfield would also stalk his victims off buses prior to attacking them.
  
  So what do these different 'types' of stalkers have in common, if anything?
  Well, obsessive behaviour is fairly obvious along with distorted thinking, narcissism, a sense of entitlement and an inability to take other perspectives into consideration.
  Stalkers, as a group, share a remarkable capacity, just as sex offenders do, to rationalise minimise and excuse their behaviour. It is essential for those assessing stalkers to include victim accounts and not inadvertently collude with the stalker and their attempts to place their own interpretation on their actions.
  Many also show a blindness to the impact of their behaviour on the victim.
  Paladin know that every case is different and we assess each case on its own merit. However, the latest development in Claire Waxman’s case clearly shows that the criminal justice response to stalkers is not working.
  Restraining orders are counterproductive for many stalking victims and should not raise expectations of protection, or a resolution of stalking. Mandatory psychiatric assessment by specialists trained in stalking is required.
  Those stalkers who can be treated should be and the development of one-to-one programs is urgently needed. As is clear guidance and sentencing guidelines on stalking, with training for Judges, Magistrates and court officials, including the Crown Prosecution Service.
  Without these things we can't hope to change the face of stalking and ensure that women like Claire Waxman feel safe at all times.
  
  Types of Stalkers
  
  Stalkers come from every walk of life and every socio-economic background. Virtually anyone can be a stalker, just as anyone can be a stalking survivor. There are some general categories that stalkers fit into.
  Remember: Even though there are general categories of stalkers, that does not mean that every stalker will fit neatly into a category. Stalkers can have any characteristics and come from any type of background.
  Rejected Stalker
  Motivation: This type of stalker begins to stalk after their partner (romantic or close friendship) has ended their relationship or indicates that they intend to end the relations. This type of stalker wants to be in a relationship with the survivor again or seek revenge on the survivor. The stalker's goals may vary, depending on the reponses of the survivor.
  Personality: This type of stalker may have high levels of narcissism and jealousy. This type of stalker may also have feelings of humiliation, over-dependence, and/or poor social skills and a resulting poor social network.
  Stalking Behaviors: This type of stalker is often the most persistent and intrusive type of stalker and is more likely to employ intimidation and assault in pursuit of their survivor. A history of violence in the relationship with the partner is not uncommon.
  Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker is typically the most resistant to efforts aimed at ending their stalking behavior.
  Resentful Stalker
  Motivation: This stalker wants to frighten or distress their survivor and often stalks their survivor to get revenge against someone who has upset them. This type of stalker views their survivor as being similar to those who have oppressed or humiliated them in the past and may view themselvves as a survivor striking back against an oppressor.
  Personality: This type of stalker is often irrationally paranoid.
  Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker often stalks survivors that may have upset them directly or are representative of a group at which they are upset. The survivor may be someone that the stalker knows or a complete stranger.
  Stalking Behavior: This type of stalker can be the most obsessive and enduring type of stalker. This type of stalker is most likely to verbally threaten their survivor and is one of the least likely to physically assault their survivor.
  Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker is likely to stop stalking if confronted with legal sanctions early on. The longer the stalking continues, the less effective legal sanctions are likely to be.
  Predatory Stalker
  Motivation: This type of stalker stalks their survivor as part of a plan to attack them, usually sexually, and is motivated by the promise of sexual gratification and power over the survivor.
  Personality: This type of stalker often has poor self-esteem, poor social skills (especially in romantic relationships), and may have lower than normal intelligence.
  Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker may stalk someone they know or a complete stranger.
  Stalking Behaviors: This type of stalker usually does not harass or try to contact their survivor while they are stalking. This type of survivor may engage in behaviors sucyh as: surveillance of the survivor, obscene phone calls, exhibitionism, fetishism, and voyeurism.
  Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker may stalk for a shorter period of time than other types of stalkers and has a higher potential to become physically violent with the survivor.
  Intimacy Seeker
  Motivation: This type of stalker seeks to establish an intimate, loving relationship with the survivor and may believe that the survivor is in love with them. This is a delusion. The stalker believes that the survivor may be the only person who can satisfy their desires and sees the survvior as an ideal partner. The stalker may interpret any kind of response from the survivor, even negative responses, as encouragement and may believe the survivor owes them love because of all they have invested in stalking the survvior. This type of stalker is very resistant to changing their beliefs about the survivor's love for them.
  Personality: This type of stalker is often a shy and isolated person and often lives alone and lacks any sort of intimate relationship in their life.
  Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker may stalk acquaintances or complete strangers.
  Stalking Behaviors: If the stalker recognizes they are being rejected by the survivor, they may become threatening or violent. This type of stalker may engage in behaviors such as: writing letters to the survivor; calling the survivor on the phone; or sending the survivor gifts. The stalker may become jealous if the survivor enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person.
  Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker is among the most persistent type of stalker, harassing longer than any type except the rejected stalker. The stalker is usually unresponsive to legal sanctions because they view them as challenges to overcome that demonstrate their love for the survivor.
  Incompetent Suitor
  Motivation: This type of stalker is motivated by a desire to start a romantic relationship with the survivor and is impaired in his social skills.
  Personality: This type of stalker may be cut off from the survivor's feelings and believe that any person should be attracted to them.
  Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker usually stalks acquaintances, but may stalk complete strangers.
  Stalking Behaviors: This type of stalker typically engages in behaviors such as: repeatedly asking for dates even after being rejected; repeatedly calling on the phone; and trying to hold the survivor's hand or kiss the survivor.
  Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker stalks for shorter periods, on average, than any other type of stalker and has likely stalked others in the past. This stalker will usually quickly stop stalking if confronted with legal action or after seeking counseling.
  Erotomania and Morbidly Infatuated
  Motivation: This type of stalker believes that they are loved by the survivor even though the survivor has done nothing to suggest this is true and may have made statements that they do not and never will love the stalker. The stalker reinterprets what the survivor says and does to support their belief that the survivor loves them and makes the imagined romance with the survivor the most important part of their life.
  Personality: This type of stalker may suffer from acute paranoia and/or delusions.
  Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker usually chooses survivors of a higher social class.
  Stalking Behaviors: This type of stalker repeatedly tried to approach and communicate with the survivor.
  Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker may sometimes respond well to psychological treatment and is typically unresponsive to threats of legal action short of time behind bars. Without psychological treatment, they are likely to continue stalking the survivor after they are released.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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Here are a number of frequently asked questions to help raise awareness and dispel some of the common myths about suicide:

1. Why do people attempt suicide?

People usually attempt suicide to block unbearable emotional pain, which is caused by a wide variety of problems. It is often a cry for help. A person attempting suicide is often so distressed that they are unable to see that they have other options: we can help prevent a tragedy by endeavoring to understand how they feel and helping them to look for better choices that they could make. Suicidal people often feel terribly isolated; because of their distress, they may not think of anyone they can turn to, furthering this isolation.

In the vast majority of cases a suicide attemptor would choose differently if they were not in great distress and were able to evaluate their options objectively. Most suicidal people give warning signs in the hope that they will be rescued, because they are intent on stopping their emotional pain, not on dying.

2. Aren’t all suicidal people crazy?

No, having suicidal thoughts does not imply that you are crazy, or necessarily mentally ill. People who attempt suicide are often acutely distressed and the vast majority are depressed to some extent. This depression may be either a reactive depression which is an entirely normal reaction to difficult circumstances, or may be an endogenous depression which is the result of a diagnosable mental illness with other underlying causes. It may also be a combination of the two.​

The question of mental illness is a difficult one because both these kinds of depression may have similar symptoms and effects. Furthermore, the exact definition of depression as a diagnosable mental illnesses (i.e. clinical depression) tends to be somewhat fluid and inexact, so whether a person who is distressed enough to attempt suicide would be diagnosed as suffering from clinical depression may vary in different peoples opinions, and may also vary between cultures.

It’s probably more helpful to distinguish between these two types of depression and treat each accordingly than to simply diagnose all such depression as being a form of mental illness, even though a person suffering from a reactive depression might match the diagnostic criteria typically used to diagnose clinical depression.

For example, Appleby and Condonis write:
The majority of individuals who commit suicide do not have a diagnosable mental illness. They are people just like you and I who at a particular time are feeling isolated, desperately unhappy and alone. Suicidal thoughts and actions may be the result of life’s stresses and losses that the individual feels they just can’t cope with.

In a society where there is much stigma and ignorance regarding mental illness, a person who feels suicidal may fear that other people will think they are “crazy” if they tell them how they feel, and so may be reluctant to reach out for help in a crisis. In any case, describing someone as “crazy”, which has strong negative connotations, probably isn’t helpful and is more likely to dissuade someone from seeking help which may be very beneficial, whether they have a diagnosable mental illness or not.

To anyone in crisis, please contact me day or night.. You are worth it, and I understand all too well how you may feel.

JohnMRinaldi@aol.com

if you are bullied, just look at us..
1. We are destroyed.
2. It killed my most loved.
3. We ARE still here.....

​jxx

Shlomo Breznitz Ph.D.Maximum Brainpower
Cry Wolf: When Experience Becomes FatefulOur brains are incapable of not learning from experience.

Posted May 16, 2012​

​

Being stalked is a serious threat to any person. It makes the victim frustrated, terrified, emotionally unstable. Some victims might seek help, others are too frightened to do that. But one thing is clear: being stalked feels horrible.
On the one hand, I personally don’t see why someone would blatantly lie about it, other than seeking attention. A stalked person who truly seeks help looks very frightened and speaks softly or whispers when he or she says it. One can easily see it. Most stalked people don’t seek help though, and it’s understandable. The stalker is shrouded in mystery most of the time and the victim is afraid that he is going to hurt him/her somehow.

(I'm completely transparent on line. The why's, The Who's, and The Why's.. Ms. Shields only wanted can order of protection, the DA made it into stalking! A celebrity win, and a self serving politically motivated abuse of power.)

People who believe they are stalked usually look behind or around them many times while walking or being outside their house.
On the other hand, the only reason someone would lie about being stalked would be attention seeking.

(There was a book to sell.... and a Hallmark movie release..)

"Oh, look, someone is stalking me! This means I’m important and good-looking”. This thought sometimes comes with a spoken sentence: “I realized I’m being stalked, OMFG! I hate those bastards!”. When it’s a lie, it’s spoken (or shouted, so everybody can hear) without any trace of worry by the so-called “victim”. This is meant to bring attention to the liar. If someone thinks of bringing the matters to the police, the so-called “victim” refuses and says he’s got everything under control. This is often joined by the typical behavior of the liar (rapid blinking, over-gesticulating, opposite dominant hand moving etc).

Not all of these signs are obvious for what I stated here, a person who is a good actor and who is seeking attention is capable to play a very frightened person.

(Unfortunately, Brooke Shields sniped in court that she had had only 1 acting class. And we believe it.).

There are also people who will talk about being stalked as if nothing happens, they usually believe the stalkers can do no harm to them.

***this is to defend and for the people. And in no way intended to harass nor attract through 3rd party. We are now, and have been always protected as a legally recognized 501 c3, non-profit.

(Mike Pence) advocated for public spending on conversion therapy in Indiana.

His policies inadvertently caused an HIV outbreak in Indiana.

After Planned Parenthood was shut down in Indiana, Scott County experienced an HIV outbreak. Planned Parenthood was the county's sole HIV testing center, and as a result of intravenous drug use, it saw an explosion of the disease in 2015. There were over 150 new cases reported in the tiny county of 23,000, according to the Chicago Tribune.

He has opposed marriage equality.

From his 2000 campaign website: "Congress should oppose any effort to put gay and lesbian relationships on an equal legal status with heterosexual marriage."

Pence also has a track record of opposing same-sex marriage in legislation. In 2003, he signed the Federal Marriage Amendment, which worked to officially define marriage as between one man and one woman.

GOALS:

1. #STOPGunSchoolViolence
2. SandyHook Center
3. Northern Dispensary to re-open as dental
clinic for under-privileged kids.

It shouldn't be this difficult to do good- and
I really don't understand why in my trying
I've been demonized.

Michael Rinaldi
Kris Rinaldi
Kathy Rinaldi
John Rinaldi
Danny Rinaldi
Kelly Frances Rinaldi
Rowan Rinaldi
Anthony Rinaldi
Teri Talbot

MY FAMILY

Kelly Rinaldi of Acton-Boxborough, MA.
b. January 31, 1978
d. July 22, 2016.


Kelly leaves behind her big brother/best friend John, son Anthony-7, daughter Rowan-3, mother Kristen and survived by many many beloved friends and family.


Kelly's greatest gift was her selfless dedication to others, her kindness, and her generosity. 'she was the friend who was always there for any and everyone..


Kelly was extraordinarily talented in the food and beverage industry- opening and managing the most exclusive restaurants in both Boston and Manhattan. She also excelled in her true love of cosmetology- doing the perfect fade!


My Kelly Frances was A-list all the way! She was also my greatest/deepest most valued most loved friend + co-hort. As I'm sure many of you can relate.


NO ONE came between us- NO ONE.


At the time of her death she was procuring a law degree to right the many wrongs in law enforcement and the ills facing too many single mothers. Kelly struggled hard to provide for her babies- sometimes working 3jobs.


Her greatest role was being a mother and seeing to 'Boogie' and 'RoRo' had all that they needed, and more. Together we assured that both Anthony and Rowan's formative years were well thought out providing life long lessons that will undeniably become the blue-prints in which they live.


Kelly will be missed beyond words, and those of us who loved her- those of us who encouraged her and who never left her side, we will all walk forward with a heavier heart- it will never be ok, and it will never get any better.


Kelly Frances Franky Bailey Cat-in-the-hat PITA FGTH Rinaldi died of:


Pulmonary Emphysema


em·phy·se·ma
ˌemfəˈsēmə/
nounMEDICINE
noun: pulmonary emphysema


1. a condition in which the air sacs of the lungs are damaged and enlarged, causing breathlessness.
2. a condition in which air is abnormally present within the body tissues.


****Do to her lifelong struggle with asthma.


Her smoking and drinking had exacerbated and excelled her condition but did not cause her death.


Kelly died of natural causes.