On June 2, 2018 I planned to take my life. It took me two years to finally get the strength and I planned it in a way to lessen the damage and provide support to the one most affected, and who inevitably would have found me. I say this selfishly, because suicide ideation has been rampant in my family and my mother often wishes for an early death. The loss of me inevitably lead to the loss of her.
You see we’ve already lost 3 out of 5...
I’d love to blame it on a hyper vigilant who at the time seemed to be acting responsibly. We had an altercation- her assistant damaged my car and I took to social media. The police got involved and by-passed Brooke Shields’ wishes of no charges nor harm which denigrates any alleged harassment. But, the fact that ADA Anjelica Gregory then Suborned Perjury to gain a faulty conviction, and both Mr. and Mrs. Henche lying in court.. I was done for.
In my opinion harassment is another form of rape, and I will not live as a labeled predator.
Sarah Jessica Parker, Jake Gyllenhaal, Liv Tyler, and heads of CAA, WB, NBC, + ABC, and the top publicists all know me, since 1991, to be a fighter of justice, fighting abuse, then with Celine Dion’s support added the fighting of childhood illnesses, and then we became a celebration of kids.
We lost a significant loved one on flight 175 on 9/11 and had I not been planning a move back home to Boston, I’d have been with Graham.
Our fighting abuses came to an abrupt end given one of many losses and devastation set in.
Kathy died in 1997 due to a life-long battle of childhood abuse. And when one child/sibling dies, it’s not uncommon for another to follow behind..
Gianni Versace also died in 1997, and he was not only a hero figure, but took me under his wing and introduced me to Bruce Webber.
Danny took his life in 1999 after his CTE symptoms grabbed too much a hold of him.
As I said, losing Graham was devastating and despite my being down at Ground Zero daily until I was asked to go home and take better care, I still felt beholden to NY/ the world for helping us through it and vowed to repay the kindness.
I knew Ann Curry from the gym and when I heard her ask the world to do an Act of Kindbess for Sandy Hook, I did one better.. I went to Newtown to do 26 Days of kindness.
The day of the shooting, I called a new friend, billionaire Bill Ackman and his wife Karen to help me build a CenTer. Within hours of the Elementary School Shooting I saw a similar story of a shooting of a Primary (Britain’s Elementary) school in Dunblane, Scotland. Soon after, Dunblane built the Dunblane Centre. Dunblane honored the lives stolen, supported the town, and encouraged the U.K. to change their gun laws within a year.
I told Bill, ‘It’s not about you, and it’s not about me- it’s about these little babies who lost their lives to senseless violence. Without a second thought, Bill Ackman- The Bill Ackman referred me to Mr. Paul Bernstein and we were a go.
Within an hour of my arrival to Newtown we had towne support, and I was offered the site that will now be Newtown Community Center.
The last time I ever saw my baby sister was April 2, 2016.. ‘the day I left her in crisis to make it to Connecticut to vote in the Center. The last time I saw her two babies that I was raising along side her was also April 2..
I’d love to say I’m the next Kalief Browder.. my backpack was a Hallmark sponsored invite to Sandy Hook commemorating the anniversary of the worst attack on our nation’s babies we’d ever seen. The intent was to send invites with a memorial rescue bear to secure friendship and support from some of my neighbors most recognizable super-heroes. Hugh Jackman (who I had worked out with), Sarah Jessica Parker (whom I’ve been parting with since 1991- and it’s Matthew Broderick’s fault that I went from Rob Reiner’s ‘A Few Good Men.’ to philanthropy. (and yes, I met with Tom Cruise sitting opposite him in his Desilu Bungalow... and yes, I’ve asked him to join Sandy Hook and Parkland families to ensure Gun Reform by Christmas!).
I said to Bill that it wasn’t about either me nor him, but the Manhattan DA would like us all to believe it’s about Brooke. Brooke did lie in court, but it was the ADA who coached her!
I’d love to say my 2June suicide was about prosecutorial corruption, but I have faith in Honorable Leslie E. Stein. My losing my baby sister has left me shattered. The fact that I’m now unemployable has made suicide the only way to die with dignity.
Suicide isn’t always about mental illness, it’s also about the indignities we bestow upon each other..
Akeem Browder and his June 5 fight in Albany helped me find purpose again.. and hopefully we’ll be taking on another fight of police abuse, and the real issue behind Kalief’s death is Riker’s Manufacturing Revenue that refuses to release innocents. I know this because they did the same to me. Shonda Rhymes had it correct in ABC’s ‘How To Get Away With Muder.’
Incidentally, I cut my teeth in the mail room at CAA, and have retained my relationships with several of ‘The Agent’s on 3.’ Mr. Fred Specktor introduced me to CAA Foundations Natalie Chan, and Ms. Viola Davis and I are expected to talk regarding the very subject her character addressed on Prime-Time.
June 2 I almost took my life.. for the last two years I’ve woke in the early hours by my heart racing, and most days I’m in bed because of anxiety. I missed my opportunity with my home empty because Akeem helped me realize that their is a greater power than myself and he again helped me realize,
“Life's most persistent and urgent question is- what are you doing 4others?" Dr. Martin Luther King.
Whether it’s a broken heart of losing your Greatest Love, (mine has always been my baby sister..) your job (my proposed and accepted Sandy Hook CenTer is now Newtown Community Center/ Old People’s Home, or you’re bullied/brutalized on live. (check, and check..) there is always Hope.
And if you cannot find hope, do what I’ve akeays done.. be of service. When you look past yourself to the greater good you will undoubtedly find a greater purpose and always joy.
RIP Katy Spade.
RIP Tony Bourdain.
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“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”