tbc.

Who's to say what happened when, or where did things fall apart..  

It was the day that my dad left, and neither one came back.  

This is my story, and my belief.  My father's demise plays out differently across the fray..  One sister remembers things this way- another that...  even a cousin or an Aunt feel entitled to enthrust their views as if their truths would/could supersede mine..  

smh.

My dad left when I was 11 or 12- to me it's all a blur..  My mom never recovered, and she spent the remainder of our youth's asleep.  

Al Deome was out neighbor and lived at 126 Box Mill Rd, Boxborough, MA.  He was married to a nurse- her name was Sare.  They had two kids- Deedee and Chris...  My mother recalls hearing their screams late at night.  Nut, she couldn't get off the couch for us- she sure ads fuck couldn't get off the couch for them...

We all have our demons and we are a product of our environment.  I will not go into my mother's story as it is her painful past.  I will say that the human spirit can only handle so much before it shatters..  My mother had reached her limit over my dad's infidelity, but she had the last word.  Although they would go through a short lived honey moon phase in the years to come, the damage was done, and he became secondary,  third even...

My dad's gone- doing his secretary, and my mom's asleep in her room.  There were 5 of us kids and I guess when my mom was sleeping we all took turns..  Or, it could be that...  idk....  all I know is a little boy at age 11 or 12 should've been looked after..  

This is me, John Rinaldi at age 11.  This is how little I looked when I was raped/assaulted/ molested/ whatever...  THE man was 38 years old I was 11.  
Who let's their child stay out past 10?  Who doesn't tuck their children in to sleep?  Who loses track??

It started rather innocently and it only lasted a little while.  

The first time we were going to the gym.  It was about a 30 minute drive from Boxborough, MA up 495 to Leominster, MA to the YMCA.  This was a strange time for me as I was just reaching puberty...  We were driving to the gym and Al asked me if I wanted to steer.  Of course I wanted to steer, I was a boy wasn't I??  He told me to lean over to put my hands on the wheel and as I did, the creepy fucker put his right arm around me as I leaned in...

(I can still feel the feeling....  IT WAS CREEPY, and dirty.  You know how you feel if you've slept in your clothes..  or you're being cool and you wear a pair of jeans longer than a few times....  you know how slippery they feel...  like the oils in the skin make the clothes glide...  YUCK!  That's the only thing that I can remember about this gross fucker!!)

        as I leaned in, AL put his arm arounf me as I gripped the wheel.  In one smooth move, the bastard's hand found it's way into my lap.  He then grabbed/cupped my nuts!  Of course, I got anxious and quickly gave him back the steering wheel.  

He would also take me to go swimming, but I can't seem to recall.....

Then one night it happened.  I was over the neighbors this one day and it turned into night.  I don't know for the life of me how it happened..  One minute I was over there and it was early evening..  his kids I recall were sent to bed.  I don't know..  but I seem to remember the doors to the rooms were locked with an external lock- like a lock with a key.  STRANGE!  The early night turned into late night and this was when HBO turned pervert at 10:00pm.  It was soft porn.  Gross!

In the late 70's HBO would turn to sift porn at 10:00.  The movie I remember was that it was supposedly a foreign movie and the people were somehow at this camp within the woods.  That's all I can remember...  well, I remember getting a boner and I didn't know what the hell 'THAT' was.... I then remember Al unbuttoning my pants and pulling out my little Willy Wonka- well, big Mr. Willy Wonka- I'm Italian you know....  (and most always bigger 'than' the other guy....)

So, this pervert gross fucker who reminded me of wearing dirty clothes you find in the hamper (and not just worn 1x- worn like 5x before....)  pulls little Johnny monster c*&k out and starts this disgusting thing licking my ding dong.  At first it didn't register, and all of a sudden the dirty gross feeling of dirty clothes consumed me..  I pulled away and kicked him in his nuts.  I was sure he had to have a little one less than half an inch.  He was too gross to have a big one....

And that was that!

Now, many would say it was a blow-job.  No big deal.  It was to me.  I was destroyed!  Wrecked!  

At first I just hid.  I had and then started to withdraw.  Now, at this time I began to not only despise my family, but actually HATE them.  I WAS JUST A LITTLE BOY.  I don't know if it was my first kiss-  I think I saved that for Debbie Amoling....  I don't know anything..   All I know was that I believed that whoever would look at me, they'd see what that gross, creepy man did to me.  I didn't know what sex was, so I couldn't measure it's severity.  All I know was I was no longer who I was.....  

I slowly withdrew from my family, and then came from withdrawing from my friends...  And suddenly I was all alone in my shame.  

• I over-dosed.
• I cut my wrists.
• I tried any and every way I could to kill myself.   

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